Power-filled Positive Thinking-Chapter 18 A-Resting in Christ-Abiding in Him
It was mid-November, 2000 Melissa had returned to her home in California, Alberto was at the University of Missouri, Ronald was at the Kubert School of Art in New Jersey, and I was all alone, still recovering from the surgery in which my colon was removed. I had planned it that way. I felt my children had been through and seen enough of suffering, illness and even death. I had not expected the setback, the high fevers which had required my driving myself 4 hours back to the hospital and then home a week later with all the equipment in hand to administer the antibiotics myself. I couldn’t afford home health nurses, so I knew I could do this and I did. Besides, I was never good at asking for anyone to help me—somewhat of a “do it myself” kind of girl. It would be soon that I would go back for the final stage of surgery where they would “take down” the ileostomy; but, for the moment I had a very unruly ileostomy. Awakened each night in the middle of the night because the bag broke, I would be forced to get up, take a shower and surrounded by towels, attempt to replace it. That ordeal could take hours to accomplish. Shivering with cold, tears pouring down; I felt desperately lonely in those moments. Yet, I had made the choice to do all this alone.
Very often, in this Christian journey; I have done that. I have looked into heaven and said, “I can do it.” So often, I have wanted to prove to God that I was worthy of His love. If I just tried a little harder I would make God proud of me. What has taken me a lifetime to learn is that the only way I can bring Him Glory is to learn how to rest in Him. Abiding in Christ is the only way I can live forth a life that honors Him. There is nothing that these hands of mine can do apart from Him that could bring Him Glory.